“You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry”
- John DeSantis
- Nov 12, 2019
- 2 min read
Trying to impress something on your kids when you're at an age of early parenthood is an interesting thing. If they're very young and dragging you through the minefield of childhood temperament, it's near impossible. We're all grown children and sometimes I find myself in that same mindset of wanting something to go only your way. If it doesn't your likely reaction is a series of grunts, sighs, burst blood vessels and tantrums.
Sometimes you just feel better giving a good yell at your child, but the ramifications are usually counterproductive as you then find yourself staring down a younger, smaller, better looking version of yourself who still has all his hair and more energy. He's having the same reaction now: screaming, incoherent, unreasonable...great parenting.
When you’re burning the candle at both ends and feeling tired, impatient, and irritated, a crazy and almost unbelievable thing happens. Kids smell the contempt on you. And it’s not just because it’s a holiday weekend, you don’t have to be at work for another 2 days and can’t remember if you showered today. They will feed off your output like a starving zombie horde approaching a group of rowdy Walmart shoppers on Black Friday.
The easy thing to do is yell and show your temper. I’ve done it, we’ve all done it. We’ll do it again. Usually, that sense of instant gratification you get is immediately replaced by a wave of regret. It either made the situation worse, or if it didn’t you’ll likely see the results of the newest pupil in your course on raging out in the coming days when they start popping off on you in similar fashion.
If at all possible, keep calm and carry on. Discipline with little emotion behind it can be effective. Yes, this doesn’t always work. Usually though, it’s a better option than directing what sounds like primal scream therapy at a kid who just ran down your hallway like Dr. Ian Malcolm holding out a road flare trying to dodge a T Rex in Jurassic Park; only the road flare in this case is a crayon dragged across your wall.
When it works it works though, we're just an impatient lot. A better approach for me is trying to calm myself, taking a quick look at the kid and remembering they're not even 3 yet, or 5, or any age 30 years younger than me. Here I am asking them something that myself in my mid 30's still might not pull off every time: calming down, playing nicely, being patient, cleaning up after themselves, letting someone know before they crap their pants. If you smell something, say something.
Listening to: Guns N’ Roses “Patience”
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