Muscle memory and MacGuyver
- John DeSantis
- Feb 26, 2020
- 3 min read
I wrote most of what’s in the paragraphs below in June of 2017. At this time our oldest son was 3 months away from his 3rd birthday and our (then) youngest son was 2 months away from his 1st birthday. Some of these things are funny to look back on now, as they are 5 and 3 years old with another son in the house that is 8 months old. Most everything written still applies, I’m just perplexed at how it’s very similar in practice with another baby thrown in the mix. Muscle memory I suppose is still part of it, long time of service and years of beautiful and priceless experience is another part of it. 4/5 of our house are out of diapers, though oddly the only one who craps his pants mostly laughs at the rest of us now.
Children have a way of making you feel like you could do that thing where you lift a car up in the heat of the moment as a result of your inter parental strength. Some days kids are our greatest resource for inspiration even when we don't realize it, like when we're left alone unsupervised with these untamed beasts for any moment of even the most minor sort of adversity. It’s on these days I wonder what kind of sedatives my wife could be giving our kids to keep it all together on a daily basis, caring for our sons after a day of educating children that aren't ours as a math teacher.
I usually get home several hours later, and in parent time several hours may as well be 2 days. Sometimes those handful of hours can be great fun, she sees things I don't see, might take them to the park at the end of our block to joyously explore their surroundings or tire them out before bedtime. Either way it's a delight. Other times the kids can become possessed by some intergalactic demon basking in joy at the rise of your blood pressure, or simply a nuclear meltdown as growing kids exploring their developing emotional idiosyncrasies tend to experience. In any case, often we're not prepared for moments when our co-parent/co-pilot isn't there for reassurance, better judgement, or an extra hand to take care of a sibling synchronized bowel movement.
Muscle memory and MacGuyver are one way to describe such moments. Kids need food and water, most everything else is secondary if you're just talking about a couple of hours. Food and water, those are the essentials. We all have survival instincts, one fast food meal here and there won't hurt your toddler. It's unrealistic for everyone to have organic, grass fed gourmet sustenance on hand when you have a hungry child in tow. As a dad who is left alone with one or more kids to fend for himself for a few hours, you must set attainable and cautious expectations.
Success is not having to call the fire department at any point and avoiding a visit to the hospital. Anything above and beyond that is exceptional. Go ahead, picture yourself running in slow-mo as you make that bottle for the little screamer while the Foo Fighters' "My Hero," soundtracks your Saturday afternoon. Don't bother counting the minutes until your wife gets home, she's rightfully taking her time.
These few hours or a day or 2 highlight something I rarely thought about before: the mutant ability and wherewithal of single parents doing this on their own every day. I'm convinced these saintly people may have access to a secret strain of caffeine and/or toddler sedative (the same one my wife must not be telling me about in the hours before I get home) that hasn't been mass marketed yet. More likely however, is that they are the only ones you should be buying a so-called "good parenting" book from. The catch-22 is these super parents don't have time to check if they're wearing pants before leaving the house let alone sit down and write a book about it so we can have all their mystical secrets.
Listening to:
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